Like all things this is multidimensional. As in, there is no one way to discuss love. There is no global definition of this force. But I believe we all have an idea of what this is and what it may feel like.
Personally, I can say I feel it in every second I take to admire life; the random woman on the street, the pigeon at the waterfront, the neighbour’s kids, that starring baby, the old man looking out the bus window perhaps dreaming of many moons past… There is just so much positive energy to absorb from life as it unfolds around us that no matter what, we can always find something to be grateful for and superbly happy about.
Think about a time when you were famished and you caught the smell of something simmering close by. For me, I stop, close my eyes, turn my nose in the direction of the wind, inhale deeply and thank the heavens for my ability to smell and taste and feel excited. The first bite. Lord, now that’s where heaven actually is, right?
😄😄 like sex, it should be a slow waltz, “easy like Sundeh mawnin”. Whenever I have firsts, this is my reaction, I close my eyes and feel it and mentally capture all that is happening around, inside and outside me in this very moment. It’s always breathtaking. Always.
That joy cannot be replaced by any other. So, I have many happy moments to reflect on you see, many captured moments that I can relive just by closing my eyes, tilting my head back, extending my neck and filling my lungs with air.
Man, that’s love for me.
I absolutely enjoy giving and receiving pedicures. It’s a humbling and fulfilling experience. lol. I know I’m crazy, but just being able to do that for someone who appreciates it makes me super happy. It’s a quiet conversation kinda moment.
There is joy in giving as there is in receiving gifts! I get so animated, and thrilled about the whole process. It’s almost never the gift itself really. I’m crafty, I like creating and making stuff and I love pictures and words and art in every sense of the word. I like to ponder about what is the best thing to do give or do for so and so… That’s an easy high. Adrenaline courses through my veins as I create and anticipate their reactions. Ha! #Forever 5 remember. Naw, weed comes close but it doesn’t do that. I mean weed is a reflective kinda effect you know, but
thinking about future stuff is way more exciting as you get to create, imagine what it might be like and let that imagination run wild. It’s the most liberating feeing as their are no boundaries, no limits; the possibilities are infinite.
Love is that feeling you get when you know it’s almost his lunch hour and you are anticipating hearing his voice
It’s that feeling you get when you see and old woman smile
It’s watching the sunrise and seeing how the world around you wakes up with it
It’s watching the sunset knowing you had a great day
It’s watching the stars and pondering about the galaxies, and all the other people across the globe looking at the same moon that you are looking at.
It’s singing and dancing with your mom and siblings
It’s swiping your card and not worrying about if it’s gonna be declined
It’s holding a baby’s hand as he takes his first steps
It’s those tears that flow freely when you’re overwhelmed with gratitude
It’s that feeling when the plane starts to ascend after an exhilarating taxi
It’s seeing life from the clouds
It’s diving and swimming with the fish
It’s waking up in a cozy cottage in a strange land and smelling breakfast
Oh! It’s hearing the rain on the rooftop, seeing it triumph through the streets and inhaling the sweet smell of the earth
It’s waking up from a terrible nightmare and realizing it was just a dream
It’s being on top, with his firm hands arounds your waist, neck thrown back and enjoying the rhythm of his groin
It’s your fingers through his hair, holding him in place, whispering his name as if you might just expire under his caress
It’s that gentle kiss right between your brows, as he whispers “good morning sunshine”
It’s dirt biking up the mountains, snowmobiling on the frozen lake, or kayaking just in time for sunset
It’s as simple as a hot cup of peppermint tea or hot chocolate on a chilly evening
It’s wine!! A glass a bottle whatever you like
It’s that quiet walk on the beach at twilight…
Umm….I could go on.
Essentially, love is peculiar, yet quite familiar. It’s sometimes easier to give than receive and vice versa.
Point is, it can be everywhere and nowhere, it’s all a matter of perspective. 💞
P.S. Chapman did a great job capturing 5 major ways we tend to show others that we love them. It’s very good to be aware of the things your partner or friend or family might be doing to show you love while you are feeling unloved. The book is also and easy ready.
So I haven’t blogged too much lately as I’m working on recalibrating my reactive thoughts. I’ve been trying to read this book that was given to me by a ‘successful’ Jamaican while I was on exchange in Canada – 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.
Here’s a quick review from Youtube:
I haven’t managed to read past the first 5 pages and I’ve been reading since October 2015…Yeah I know. 😒
So I have all this faith yet on numerous occasions I’ve allowed my anxiety to cripple me, sometimes for days and last year for months. I know it’s the craziest thing. Because I know that I am physically and intellectual capable of achieving but, you know what fuck the but. I am capable of doing and being.
You see, I have always held this belief that our thoughts are very powerful. I have thought my way into numerous panic attacks, and thought my self out of some, I have thought financial blessings into my life and beautiful mentors….the possibilities are literally endless. If you know me I am a praying woman and I believe in my prayers and I always get what I ask for, always. Just perhaps not in my time. Nonetheless, I have utmost faith in my destiny and the power of God to align the universe in my favour.
You may have heard of the same ideology in this very popular movement or whatever you want to call it – The Law of Attraction
So all in all, I have realized that I have literally gone from one end of the spectrum to another. Why I say this is that I have always been a planner, meticulous and specific. My daily planner was my baby up until 2nd year of university.
I was given the privilege of working with a very successfully financial advisor and she always said this to me – “Imani, you need to be more patient with yourself.” ummm….So I worked on that for 2 years and Sir/Madam, I am not completely liking it. It’s like withdrawal and occasionally I have whole days that I am upset with myself about how grossly cavalier I have become with myself. Haha!
And there we go, the root of my anxiety. Constantly swinging between doing everything and doing absolutely nothing. 😄😄😄😄😄
Ok, so now I’m on the journey to finding a ‘better’ balance and focus (my number one goal this year remember)
So what can we all learn from this? I say,
Be conscious of your mindset, your approach
Be very aware of your thoughts and the words you speak over your life
And hey, of course you should be patient with yourself but try not to settle for mediocracy
Laughing terribly at myself. Haha! Life can get so hilarious.
Hardworking and lazy all at the same time. Such a beautiful paradox.
‘Smart working perhaps’ 😂😉
Sometimes I am serious.
Then, jokes might not be funny anymore
and it’ll be too late.
I have mastered being distant.
My sad thoughts are my muse. I’m sorry if I damped your moods too.
Writing helps me to dig deep you know, introspect and find something to be grateful and happy about.
I long to read a great book.
Perhaps I should start reading romance novels again.
Get lost in some strange, yet predictable love story.
Or watch some intense action movies
Imagine I’m a sniper
Or a samari!
Swords and guns are awesome btw! (hehe! *evil laugh* 😄😄 I rubbed my hands together after writing that)
I like to close my eyes and imagine running (I like to run in real life too man)
Or horseback riding on a vast prairie or an ‘enchanted’ forest
lol. Yeah I still ‘believe’ in those things
You see, my mood is already getting better 😇
I’m one moody chica! Especially around my f’kd up family
I should probably write about how I would *bleep* them if I was not socialized to believe in hell
I should probably finish that book I was writing…
You probably think I’m crazy by now 😁
That’s ok man, I own that shit! 😂😂😂
Umm…I gotta strike that balance man.
Well with my own people.
I fear being offensive.
Lest I cause someone to offend
I don’t trust myself to not defend 😒
Incarceration doesn’t look very attractive
Especially for a wanderer.
I would quite literally become a walking dead.
I so easily digress.
Dah! I know I’m a gem
But just like a beautiful rose,
You shouldn’t pluck it really 😔
Encourage it’s growth will ya?
It’s gotta get dark for you to see the stars huh?
Well, I absolutely love the stars and the moon
But hey, I’m smitten by sunrises too…🙄
Oh dear universe
Let me flourish freely.
Their words say one thing
Listen to their actions instead.
The truth hurts…😔
Smh. I need to stop playing Jesus yo
You’re not a life guard Imani.
You gotta learn to let broken people heal.
And you go gotta be patient with yourself too
You are not superwoman
no, you don’t regenerate
So you gotta take some time for you.
Bandage up your wounds.
Save yourself first
Leave the saving of lives to Christ.
It’s December 31st, 2016
What’s the plan? Tomorrow is 2017.
Well, it’s to go solo until he sends the one.